Naughty Jokes

Got Stuck A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead.

Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her.

The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat.

He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldnt because she didn't have any clothes on.

He replies, Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk replies, "I'm sorry, I think he's too far in."


The Horny Guy This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?"

She replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to make love the night before."

So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do you?"


A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years.

One day another man washes up on shore.

He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky.

The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift.

He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper.

The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks. Once again the second man yells down, "Hey, I said no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

Eventually the shift is over and the second man climbs down from the tower to be replaced by the husband.

He's not even halfway up before the wife and her new friend are hard at it.

The husband looks out from the tower and says, "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."


The Retarded Guy A mentally retarded guy goes to a store. He walks in and says, "I wanna fob.".

The store clerk answers, "What do you want?" "Fob!" the retard replies. "Oh! a JOB!" says the clerk. "All you gotta do is buy me a gallon of gas, a bucket, and a cocker spaniel, then the job is yours." ofay," replies the retard.

The retard goes to the gas station. A young man is at the counter. The retard says "i want some ass" The man at the counter is bewildered. "What do you want?" "I want some ass." is the reply.

The young man, putting two and two together, realizes he wants some gas. so he gives him the gas and the retard leaves.

The retard next goes to the Quik-E-Mart. An old woman is at the counter. "I wanna fuck it." says the retard. "Oh my Lord! Why would you want that?" says the old woman. The retard points to a bucket and says "Fuck it." "Oh!" says the old woman. The retard leaves.

Next he goes to the Pet Shop. A young woman is at the counter. "I wana cock and spank it." says the retard. The young woman understands what he wants and, without saying a word, goes and gets him a cocker spaniel.

Well as it turns out, while the young man was walking to the place he wanted to work, the cocker spaniel runs away. He goes up to a man and says, "Hold my ass and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it."