Dear friends,
A friend sent me this. Animal lover or not, I believe you'd never approve of such deeds. It's painfully long, 16 min... I only managed to watch til the 6th minute, with much pain & squirming of my eyes... until I finally decided I can't take it any longer.
Think about it, the life that He gave, human or animal life.. is from the same God. How can we view the animals' life with such contempt? If animal blood not blood simply because it's not human blood? Animals are not plants, they can feel pain.
with a heavy heart,
-shanestherting-
http://my.so-net.net.tw/sirwang/fur.wmv
Saturday, April 30, 2005
REVENGE
In the Bundeswehr (West German army) a company of soldiers decided to
have some fun with their company cook, a short, fat, very un-martial young man. So every morning before he woke up, one of them would defecate into his boot. The amazing thing was that the cook accepted this treatment silently. Every morning he would clean out his boot and go to work as if nothing was wrong.
After several weeks of this, the soldiers began to tire of the game; it wasn't very much fun because the cook never reacted, and they were
beginning to feel guilty as well. So they sent a delegation to apologize to him and promise to mend their ways.
The cook heard them out then said, "You are going to stop defecating in my boots? Fine, then I will stop urinating in your coffee."
have some fun with their company cook, a short, fat, very un-martial young man. So every morning before he woke up, one of them would defecate into his boot. The amazing thing was that the cook accepted this treatment silently. Every morning he would clean out his boot and go to work as if nothing was wrong.
After several weeks of this, the soldiers began to tire of the game; it wasn't very much fun because the cook never reacted, and they were
beginning to feel guilty as well. So they sent a delegation to apologize to him and promise to mend their ways.
The cook heard them out then said, "You are going to stop defecating in my boots? Fine, then I will stop urinating in your coffee."
HELL
A computer gamer died was immediately sent to hell. As he gloomily
entered the infernal gates, he was amazed to find hell was a vast
computer laboratory with equipment beyond his wildest dreams. There were
machines of unbelievable capacity and memory, machines that could work
at speeds unheard of on earth.
"What do you think of hell?" asked the devil.
"Wonderful" said the gamer, "give me a few discs and let me try these
machines out."
"That's the hell of it," grinned the devil. "We've got no software down
here."
entered the infernal gates, he was amazed to find hell was a vast
computer laboratory with equipment beyond his wildest dreams. There were
machines of unbelievable capacity and memory, machines that could work
at speeds unheard of on earth.
"What do you think of hell?" asked the devil.
"Wonderful" said the gamer, "give me a few discs and let me try these
machines out."
"That's the hell of it," grinned the devil. "We've got no software down
here."
THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE
~ If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.
~ If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done
~ Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
~ The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
~ Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
~ A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
~ If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
~ But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
~ If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
~ If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
~ Money talks. Chocolate sings.
~ Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
~ Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.
~ If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
~ Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done
The Incident
Hey Buddy,
There was a little "incident" at your house today while you were gone.
Please allow me to explain:
I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen.
The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran
into the kitchen and checked everything out. By the time I got to the
kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke.
I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute.
I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that
took a few minutes to reset itself. I kept watching my movie , and
about 10 minutes later I was really getting my self in a bunchy twitch
cause that beeping continued.
I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and
went back to the movie.
The beeping continued.
Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could
hold a charge after the batteries were removed. About 20 minutes later,
I was really getting heat stroke because I could still hear the beeping.
And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut
the measly spud pocket speaker off the smoke detector and left it
sitting on the counter.
I sat back down and heard "beep".
Now I was hairless.. Just dang fuming. I listened to that hairless
"beep" about three more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded
the ever-loving life out of your hairless smoke detector on the counter
(while I was pounding I heard "beep").
It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and resumed the movie and
sure enough "beep". I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out
(curious to see what the heck could still be running it) and cut all
the little parts into teeny tiny weenie pieces, and put half into a
little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the
parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these,
and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them.
In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep. So I took them into
the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to
myself "the hairless part that beeps, will get smashed" Not three
seconds later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen
beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is
possessed). I brought all the parts into the living room and layed them
out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of
them to beep so I could smash the snot out of it.
All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was coming from the kitchen. I
walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it
seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying
"beep" coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your
beeper that you had left at home by accident. All I could do was take
my hammer and beat the ever-loving snot out of your beeper because I was
the one who paged you. {sorry}.
There was a little "incident" at your house today while you were gone.
Please allow me to explain:
I was watching T.V. and I heard this beeping going off in the kitchen.
The first thing I thought of was the smoke detector going off so I ran
into the kitchen and checked everything out. By the time I got to the
kitchen, the beeping had stopped and I couldn't smell any smoke.
I went back to watching my movie and I kept hearing a beep every minute.
I knew that the type of smoke detector that you have is the type that
took a few minutes to reset itself. I kept watching my movie , and
about 10 minutes later I was really getting my self in a bunchy twitch
cause that beeping continued.
I paused the movie, ran out to the kitchen, unhooked the detector, and
went back to the movie.
The beeping continued.
Having a college degree in electronics, I knew that the capacitors could
hold a charge after the batteries were removed. About 20 minutes later,
I was really getting heat stroke because I could still hear the beeping.
And I got so mad, I went out and grabbed a pair of wire cutters and cut
the measly spud pocket speaker off the smoke detector and left it
sitting on the counter.
I sat back down and heard "beep".
Now I was hairless.. Just dang fuming. I listened to that hairless
"beep" about three more times, then I finally got a hammer and pounded
the ever-loving life out of your hairless smoke detector on the counter
(while I was pounding I heard "beep").
It was really getting me mad. I sat back down and resumed the movie and
sure enough "beep". I had the wire cutters in my hand and I went out
(curious to see what the heck could still be running it) and cut all
the little parts into teeny tiny weenie pieces, and put half into a
little plastic container and left half on the counter. I took half the
parts over to the living room thinking if it beeps I know it's these,
and half the parts I left on the counter knowing it would be them.
In moments I heard the parts in the kitchen beep. So I took them into
the living room and spread them on the table, staring at them, saying to
myself "the hairless part that beeps, will get smashed" Not three
seconds later, the parts I just had, now on the counter in the kitchen
beeped. I was furious. I thought to myself, (his smoke detector is
possessed). I brought all the parts into the living room and layed them
out on the coffee table. I was staring at them, just waiting for one of
them to beep so I could smash the snot out of it.
All of a sudden, I hear "beep", but it was coming from the kitchen. I
walked out there, all freaked out. I just waited.. and waited.. it
seemed like hours but was only 30 seconds later, I heard the mystifying
"beep" coming from your jacket. I looked in the jacket and it was your
beeper that you had left at home by accident. All I could do was take
my hammer and beat the ever-loving snot out of your beeper because I was
the one who paged you. {sorry}.
The salesman
It was the old story of a salesman finding himself stranded in the
country and knocking on the door of the only pub in town.
"Well, we don't have a spare room," said the proprietor, "but you
are welcome to share with the little red-headed school teacher if you
like."
The salesman could hardly contain his excitement. "Oh thanks. I will
be a real gentleman."
"That's good," said the publican. "So's the little red-headed school
teacher!"
country and knocking on the door of the only pub in town.
"Well, we don't have a spare room," said the proprietor, "but you
are welcome to share with the little red-headed school teacher if you
like."
The salesman could hardly contain his excitement. "Oh thanks. I will
be a real gentleman."
"That's good," said the publican. "So's the little red-headed school
teacher!"
The illiterate immigrant
Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature
consisted of two X's.
He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.
"So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.
Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2."
Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!"
consisted of two X's.
He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)...you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by.
"So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxiously.
Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2."
Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!"
Japan Meter
A Japanese tourist came to the Philippines for a vacation.
He wasn't all that impressed by the country, of course. On his way to the hotel from the airport he was busy complaining to the taxi driver: "Bah, things here so slow!", he complained.
They passed by a train station and he complained: "Trains here so slow! In Japan we have bullet train. Travels from Tokyo to Osaka in just minutes." The driver said nothing.
They passed by the freeway and he complaind: "Traffic here so slow. You buy car from Japan and you drive slow. Roads too small! In Japan we have 10 lanes for cars, you have 5. The driver said nothing.
When they arrived at the hotel he asked: "How much do I pay?" The driver said:"That's 1,000 pesos." "1000!!!", the Japanese shouted in shock. "How come so big?"
The driver smirked and said: "Sir, taxi meter `Made in Japan' and
you're right - it is fast!"
He wasn't all that impressed by the country, of course. On his way to the hotel from the airport he was busy complaining to the taxi driver: "Bah, things here so slow!", he complained.
They passed by a train station and he complained: "Trains here so slow! In Japan we have bullet train. Travels from Tokyo to Osaka in just minutes." The driver said nothing.
They passed by the freeway and he complaind: "Traffic here so slow. You buy car from Japan and you drive slow. Roads too small! In Japan we have 10 lanes for cars, you have 5. The driver said nothing.
When they arrived at the hotel he asked: "How much do I pay?" The driver said:"That's 1,000 pesos." "1000!!!", the Japanese shouted in shock. "How come so big?"
The driver smirked and said: "Sir, taxi meter `Made in Japan' and
you're right - it is fast!"
Las Vegas
* There's lot of gambling locations all over the US, but I guess the GrandFather of them all is still Las Vegas in Nevada. Some of the casinos there require you to wear a tie, even after you lose your shirt.
-------------------------------
* Las Vegas is a wild and crazy town though. All kinds of gambling is everywhere. I parked to go get some lunch, put a quarter in the parking meter and lost my car.
-------------------------------
* Keep your eyes out for crooked dice games though. In one shady out-of-the-way casino, I was watching one game for really big stakes. I got a little suspicious when the dice started leaving
skid marks on the table.
-------------------------------
* Las Vegas is also famous for its tall, shapely chorus girls. Due to the heat once, one of the girls fainted. It took six men to carry her out -- three abreast.
-------------------------------
* Not sure if it was the tension or the alcohol, but I got some bad stomach cramps. I went to a local doctor and after a brief exam he said, "I'll give ya five to one it's an ulcer."
-------------------------------
* You hear stories of people winning big at the slots in Las Vegas. Let me assure you that the only way 98% of the people are gonna beat those damn machines is with a very large hammer.
-------------------------------
* Even the busboys in Las Vegas were better dressed than I was. And if ya check around, you'll find out why too -- just last week, they were customers.
-------------------------------
* Still, all-in-all I'll probably return to Las Vegas some day. I was lucky actually. I understand half the population are former tourists who couldn't afford to leave.
-------------------------------
* Las Vegas is a wild and crazy town though. All kinds of gambling is everywhere. I parked to go get some lunch, put a quarter in the parking meter and lost my car.
-------------------------------
* Keep your eyes out for crooked dice games though. In one shady out-of-the-way casino, I was watching one game for really big stakes. I got a little suspicious when the dice started leaving
skid marks on the table.
-------------------------------
* Las Vegas is also famous for its tall, shapely chorus girls. Due to the heat once, one of the girls fainted. It took six men to carry her out -- three abreast.
-------------------------------
* Not sure if it was the tension or the alcohol, but I got some bad stomach cramps. I went to a local doctor and after a brief exam he said, "I'll give ya five to one it's an ulcer."
-------------------------------
* You hear stories of people winning big at the slots in Las Vegas. Let me assure you that the only way 98% of the people are gonna beat those damn machines is with a very large hammer.
-------------------------------
* Even the busboys in Las Vegas were better dressed than I was. And if ya check around, you'll find out why too -- just last week, they were customers.
-------------------------------
* Still, all-in-all I'll probably return to Las Vegas some day. I was lucky actually. I understand half the population are former tourists who couldn't afford to leave.
The Excuse
Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor,
"Ray, may I borrow your axe?"
"Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup."
"What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe.
"Well," confessed Ray, "I admit it's a lousy excuse. But, if I
don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another.
"Ray, may I borrow your axe?"
"Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup."
"What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe.
"Well," confessed Ray, "I admit it's a lousy excuse. But, if I
don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another.
Bravery
In the midst of a blazing battle, an officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly on the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier and dove back to safety.
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!?!?!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!!"
"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."
"Warehouses?!?!?!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!!!"
Girls
What is the difference between girls aged 8,18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68?
At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.
At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!!
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Coffee
A young man just out of college - joined a big multinational company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No." replied the Managing Director.
"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone!
On his first day he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The trainee shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you fool?"
"No." replied the Managing Director.
"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone!
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